Dear Readers since August I’ve been going through terrible spiritual dryness. As you know, I received two messages during the summer. Then after that the dryness started. It was like a wave that came over me. I felt the presence of God was withdrawn from me. Along with came doubt.
I started to question everything in my life where I stood with God. There even came a point where I felt I was going to be condemned and that I wasn’t in my right state with God.
I began to question everything in my Spiritual life. I couldn’t even pick up a rosary or even say a full Hail Mary. And I’m still having trouble to this day.
But today I was finally able to stay a Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I’m still not through the darkness. Because many of the things that I was told by the Lord have come true. My visions have been confirmed by two Mystics (Ileane George & Frank Kelly) but I still have my doubts.
I haven’t even done a new YouTube video or even come into the Chapel. Continue to pray for me because I have not put my prayers in the center of my life. I’ve been caught up in so many things in my own life on this earth that I feel like the demon has been suppressing me and holding me back from praying at all.
It is the worst feeling to be going through this because I know that the Lord spoke to me. I feel like the person in the time of the Exodus that saw the Lord and the miracles and still had doubt even though in the back of my mind I know that the Lord spoke to me. And I know what I’ve done I couldn’t do without the Lord’s grace.
And for the past month I felt a feeling of withdrawal of the fire to do the Lord’s will. I’ve tried to do videos about God and about whats going on in the Catholic Church. But I just haven’t had it within me.
Maybe this is the Lord telling me that “It is only because of me that you were able to speak and do these things”. I’ve always taken no credit for what I’ve done for the Lord.
I’ve been questioning my state of life now. I’m 34 and a half years old. As I look back I’ve been questioning myself.
Have I really lived the life that the Lord wanted me to live? Sometimes. I don’t know?
Sometimes I question everything that’s happened to me mystically but I know that something happened. All those messages that I received could not have come from myself. I know that for a fact.
The devils been making me question everything that I received even though some of the things are unfolding right in front of my eyes.
I want to be like a child again like I was when I was 18 years old in the arms of God. Trust in the Lord and pray that I can get that back.
Thank You
John Mariani
