Dear Readers
You’re probably wondering why I’ve been writing so many things lately. As many of you know, I was in the hospital during Lent but a couple weeks before Lent I had an encounter with Jesus during Eucharistic adoration.
Eucharistic adoration is when you sit before the Eucharist. As many of you know, and I hope you do know that Jesus is really in the Eucharist and the Lord can speak to anybody who truly wishes to listen.
As many of you know, I was going through a Dark Night for 6 months starting to have doubts with my encounters with God. But then as you know, if you go on my website, I had a dream, I called it “Take Up My Cross”.
And Jesus appeared to me in that dream and told me to “Take Up My Cross”. But even still after that dream I was not having doubts… just still not able to pray.
I was praying a little bit but I missed the Lord, I missed the conversation with the Lord and I went to adoration at Saint Andrews Church in East Taunton Massachusetts and I said Jesus I know faith isn’t all about failing but I need hear you once in a while. I was brought up hearing your voice and having conversation with you. And I’m sorry I pushed you out.
And then Jesus spoke to me. And he said “are you willing to take up your full cross this time and not run away”. He said I’ve been waiting for you.
Said “are you willing to take up your cross this time?”. And I said Lord. I would rather hear from you once in a while then never again.
It was my fault that I was going through the Dark Night because I was pushing the Lord out. Yes, we all have gifts but you know my brothers and sisters I have the gift of prophecy and sometimes it’s very burdensome.
But what Jesus said to me in this encounter was that when you suffer the pain of sadness after I give you a prophecy. It’s the pain that I am suffering when I am giving it to you. I am uniting my pain with you. That’s what Jesus told me.
So, at the end of that conversation, I cried because I’ve realized that I was denying My Cross that Jesus told me to take up to live my Calling and not be so selfish.
Jesus said I know it’s a burden but be grateful so that you can inspire others. I was selfish because of all the apocalyptic things I’ve seen and I tried to run away but so did many of the prophets in the Old Testament. Sooner or later, they did what the Lord told them to do even though the pain it caused them.
When God calls you to do something. He’s not going to let you go. And even though you try to resist Him and run, deep inside, we know we really need Him and he’s waiting for us.
That’s why he said to me I have been waiting for you. Because he knew that I was going to hit rock bottom and that’s exactly what happened.
Eucharistic Adoration is very powerful. You’re one on one and face to face with the Lord. If you silence your heart, you can hear that interior voice within your soul.
Note: It is because after this conversation I asked him to double my suffering during Lent for pushing him out.
John Mariani
