Dear Readers
I have been going through a lot these past three months. Many of you have seen my YouTube videos. And you wouldn’t even know that there’s anything terribly wrong.
I’ve been keeping private that I’ve been together with my fiancé Jessica for 7 years and engaged for 5 years. Many of you may criticize me and say that I am not a true Catholic but I want to correct you on that.
Me and Jess have been trying to get married through the church for quite some time. But the church doesn’t want to focus on us because if we get married, we lose most of our benefits. We are both disabled and in wheelchairs. So we haven’t been able to get married by the church or receive a proper blessing.
Unfortunately, in the past there has been some drama not between me and her that has happened. But. I almost broke up with her over a year ago as I was going through withdrawals from my medication.
I found out in July of this year a week after the 4th that she would be moving. I was devastated because before I found out and have been trying to make amends for what I did for over a year.
Things were going great in our relationship when I found out the news that she was moving. She regrets applying for the group housing and that’s been devastating to me. I’ve had not many relationships just a few.
In the early days God told me in a vision and I saw him in a purple robe with the crown of thorns. And Jesus said to me, you and I have a very deep marriage that will never be broken. And, no woman will ever be able to get between us. That was very hard for me.
As many of you may know, I tried entering religious life through the Society of the Missionaries of Christ Crucified and I was rejected. Because, they did find out about my visions. I than entered the Third Order of the Franciscans and I’ve taken the promises of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience.
Jess has been very supportive over this past year and we’ve come a long way. But unfortunately, the mother has so much control over her that it’s too late to reverse her decision to move Into a group home.
I am very afraid and I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want anything to happen between us. But then I’ll never forget what God said to me in the Message that I described earlier.
There also were other visions I had. One time I was sitting in the kitchen and all of a sudden, I saw the Eternal Fathers finger touching mine.
And then I had a vision when I was 17 years old. I was devastated before I had this vision because I asked to go out to the prom and she refused. I went up to the hill where the Locutions and Apparitions were occurring where I went to school.
And I had a vision of all these women trying to help carry my cross. But slowly they all disappeared and it was just me carrying my cross alone. Deep in my heart I knew what it meant. But I didn’t want to believe it. I believe that at a very young age God has called me to Himself.
But I’ve always tried to keep running away. Every single relationship I’ve had ends up having a dramatic end. I’m going to try to make it work between her and I.
But if something happens between us, I’ve made a vow to the most Holy Trinity and to the Blessed Mother. Never to date again because I know that after the vision and messages that I’ve just shared with you that God must want me to be alone and married to Him even though I am not a Priest.
I am very frustrated with God at this point. I don’t know what Gods will is for me. I know when Jess leaves to go into the group home I fear for her because of the things that are coming.
She has begun to go to church over this past year and has become very supportive of my healing ministry. And we’ve come a long way. That is why I am so devastated. Why would God put me in her life and take it away.
Is this the last woman that’s going to leave me behind? Am I going to be carrying the cross of all the knowledge which God has given me by myself.
I ask you to pray for me. That I may surrender to Gods will. Because deep in my heart I know what it is. If it’s something that’s happened between her and I its still a devastating loss.
I’m going to need all the prayer that I can get. To have my heart heal from this traumatic loss. There’s been times when I haven’t been able to prey when I’ve been angry at God.
These past couple of months, even though the hurt is still in the depths of my soul I’ve been able to accept it. Now I need all of your support more than ever. I never asked this of you. But I need your help to carry the cross.
I need help to surrender to God will. I pray but I need an army of prayer warriors to pray for me that I can keep the faith and keep going. I haven’t lost the faith at all. It’s just sometimes I don’t always like Gods will.
And I want to be able to surrender. Because I know that’s the only way. If you could also pray that she doesn’t go into the group home. It would be great if she stayed. But if she doesn’t. I need you to pray for me more than ever.
Thank you for your support. I pray for you and you pray for me.
God Bless, John Mariani
